Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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