the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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