If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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