a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
