Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
