If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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