He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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