You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
