oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
