i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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