the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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