my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
