p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
