walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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