Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
