I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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