Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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