Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
