I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
