Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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