it hurts more in the daytime
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
