Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
