Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You're completely useless in the revolution.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
