I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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