Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
