i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
