i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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