evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
