dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
