my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
