dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
