if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
