Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
