Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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