So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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