It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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