She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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