I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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