my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
