Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
