I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
