my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
