Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
