if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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