Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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