You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
