i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
