i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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