Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
