i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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