I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
