you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
