The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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