We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
