i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
