Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just found puke in my bra..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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