wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
