You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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