those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
zippers are such a cool invention
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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