shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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