he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Congratulations! We have a period
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
