it's like iHOP with fire
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize