No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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