so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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