Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
only you would photoshop your dick
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
