so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
