butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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