i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize