She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
