as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
