There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
