I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
