the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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