you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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