God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
