if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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